Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Living Tree Celebration

While the rest of the world focused on the election, we had a little pine tree on our minds on Election Day.

Yesterday morning we planted a pine tree in Central Phoenix's Granada Park in Steven's honor, as part of the City of Phoenix Living Tree Celebration program. We chose Granada Park, and specifically, a location near the starting line for Brophy cross country meets, because Steven ran many cross country meets there. During cross country season many will run by his tree, and every other day of the year his tree is kept company by a flock of birds who gather in desert brush just a few feet away. Steven's pine is located on the west side of Granada Park, close to the sidewalk leading off 20th Street, just north of Maryland.

A plaque will be installed in about six weeks with his name and a few of Steven's inspiring words. We hope runners and park visitors find in these few words the inspiration Steven blessed us with. Mostly, we hope it will be a peaceful spot, meaningful to Steven, where all can visit to think about him.

Steven's tree was blessed by Monsignor O’Grady, a very special priest to Steven. It's hard to find words to express what a wonderful man Monsignor O'Grady is; you feel at peace in his presence and want him to keep talking and not leave. He read scripture and blessed Steven's tree. As we stood talking with him, he commented how he had pondered the meaning of a "sacramental" and how, by its very meaning, Steven's tree is a sacramental for all of us, to help and bless us. Suddenly Steven's beautiful pine became even more special by Monsignor O'Grady's blessing and words. Though emotional, it was special.

Stop by and leave a note or flowers at Steven's pine anytime. For those not in the area, here are some photos of the tree and the park:






the new King of Granada Park (little guy in the center) with his flock of birds

Thank you so much to the following families for donating the tree in Steven's honor. It is a wonderful way we can honor him and keep the memory of his wonderful spirit alive forever:

DiCarlo Family, Nagaki Family, Heiland Family, Lundy Family, Thompson Family, DiSantiago Family, Perkey Family, Circello Family, Fairburn Family, Behrendt Family, Novotny Family, Ross Family, Parise Family, Nicchi Family, Mel Terkelson and Ryan Burke, Palazzalo Family, Jackson Family, Bickman Family Bonono Family, Heinley Family, Amrhein Family, Tanaka Family, Burruel Family, Hill Family, Esahak-Gage Family, Rhea Family, Stern Family, Beaudoin Family, Coltin Family, Gordon Tylor Family


Updates to Steven's blog

We will post updates of events held or to be held in Steven's honor, and we hope you continue to share your thoughts.


A direct link to his "Memory" post is above, under his name; we hope you share stories or any random thoughts of Steven as they come to you. Any little thought or story we hear about him makes this difficult time a bit more bearable for us, and we hope by putting your thoughts of him into words it brings you comfort, as well.

Friday, July 25, 2008

In Memory

IN MEMORY

Steven Michael Manos

August 19, 1981 - July 24, 2008

Steven peacefully passed away at home late last night with the five of us by his side. On Wednesday he made it known he was ready to stop fighting and be at peace.

Steve inspired many of us as a runner, graduate student, and friend even before he began fighting this disease. However, this fight has inspired us beyond his many accomplishments, revealing his gentle soul and fighting spirit. We will miss his beautiful smile that blessed us when we least expected such strength.

The many contributions to Steven's blog gave him and many of us strength to fight and have joy even on the roughest days. Your continued contribution of memories will help us all remember how this disease could never destroy his strong, sweet spirit.

We will update this posting with service information as soon as it is determined.

As commented last week, the Steven Manos Scholarship Fund raised over $10,000 in gifts from several of Steve's professors in the first few days of its announcement. If you would like to add your gift to honor Steve, you can do so by any of the following means:

By credit card, at http://econ.arizona.edu/gift.htm
(Be sure to designate your gift "Economics Manos Fund")
By calling Lana Sooter at (520) 621-2821.
By sending a check, payable to "UA Foundation, Manos Fund", to Lana Sooter, Economics Department, U of Arizona, Tucson AZ 85721-0108.

-Jenny

-------------------------------------------------
UPDATE:

Visitation 6:00pm; Rosary 7:00pm, Tuesday, May 29th, at Brophy Chapel, 4701 North Central Avenue

Memorial Mass 1:00pm, Wednesday, May 30th, at Ss. Simon and Jude Cathedral, 6351 North 27th Avenue

Sunday, June 29, 2008

More Treatments

A few few weeks ago I was faced with the decision of what to do as far as treatment goes. I could stay with my current oncologist, but he was going to leave after a month and I would would be left with no one in Tucson. So I decided to meet with a family friend who is an oncologist in Phoenix, to get his opinion. I really like his plan, so we are going with it. It involves 2 chemo drugs as well as one drug that works like chemo but technically it not.

Unfortunately my body had a very adverse reaction to the chemo and I ended up in and out of the hospital 4 times, which was pretty tough. So I had to take a lower dose of chemo this last time. Hopefully everything goes well !!!!

I am just happy to be home for an extended period of time and not in the hospital!

Monday, May 5, 2008

the road to travel

Well, today I got the news that the cancer has spread to the lungs. I wasn't surprised and was prepared for the news as we knew it was a very legitimate possibility.

I don't want to view it as bad news, it is just another road that I have to go down. Things will be different than before, because treatment is different for vital organs than not. Obviously you have to be very careful about how you treat the lungs, and cannot use the same approach as on the neck. I meet with my medical oncologist tomorrow and will know more about what type of treatment I will be going through. It sounds like chemotherapy is more the route than radiation, because your lungs can't really handle much radiation.

I am going to do all I can to fight it. I spoke to an attending oncologist this morning who was really helpful and I really liked. I had heard such bleak things about what happens when squamous cell spreads to the lungs and was obviously concerned. She just said you can't go by statistics derived from other people because you are your own unique individual and there is no reason not to put yourself in the small pool of people that survive this. So is just what I am going to do, put myself in the pool of people that survive.

Also, please no more posts about me drinking alcohol. One of the causes of oral cancer is alcohol and I probably won't drink again for the rest of my life; and I could really care less about it. I don't think that's what has caused this but am perfectly happy not drinking again, and don't think that I could even stomach the thought for a long time. I know most of you didn't know this because I hadn't posted it, but the last thing I want to do is drink.

Steve

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Back to Square 1

This Tuesday I saw my medical oncologist to see if we could find out why I have been feeling so poorly. He didn't think it was an infection and wanted to investigate other options. What he pointed out is that two spots showed up in my chest on my head and neck CT scans. These could be a few things, but they could be putting pressure on veins going to my head and disrupting bloodflow.

I had a CT done on just my chest today to investigate further, and it showed no signs of pressure on any veins. However, it did show multiple spots in my chest. At least one is over a centimeter that puts it in the "worrisome" category. The oncologist speculates that it is either valley fever, or that the cancer has spread to the chest. If you remember, the original suspicions by the oral surgeon was that I had valley fever, tuberculosis or cancer.

So, I will have a biopsy done of at least the largest node to see what is going on. Of course it is frustrating to think that I may have to go through a lot more, but we don't know what it is yet, and it could just be something like valley fever. That would explain why I have also been feeling so poorly.

Whatever happens happens, and I will post when I find out the results of the biopsy.

Steve

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Why I haven't been posting

For some reason, the Saturday before last I got really tired during the day and had to lay down for a few hours. Then on Sunday the same thing happened. By the week and still until today, I lay in bed 20 hours a day. I feel completely exhausted and week and yet cannot really sleep. Even if I do fall asleep I wake up about every hour coughing up mucus. The mucus has gotten better but my esophagus is more swollen shut and it causes me to gag on the mucus.

I saw my radiation oncologist this week and did blood work and an x-ray but nothing came out of it. So, next week I see my medical oncologist about it, because he used to be an internist (i.e. practiced internal medicine) and may be able to better diagnose the problem. Any other internist would have been weeks to be able to see.

It has been frustrating, but what has been most frustrating is the not being able to drink. I am at the point where I have no desire to eat, but I crave sweet drinks. Even ice water would bring me incredible happiness. (Read Skeletons of the Zahara to understand how I feel). I would love a slurpee, sprite, or cold coke. And last night I dreamt I made my own root beer and it was delicious.

But so as not to be depressing, last night I came up with a great solution. I just took a glass of juice, and kept taking swigs and spitting it out. Its not quite as good as actually swallowing, but you get all the flavor so I really enjoyed it and will probably keep doing it today.

Also, yesterday I got a nice care package from the Seattle U track team. It was really flattering to be remembered and the coach talked with the Women's Volleyball coach and they are thinking of having a game called "Dig for the Cure" and I would be the opening speaker. That really made my day to hear that. Thanks for all your support and comments lately. I have needed them and enjoy reading them.

Steve

Sunday, April 13, 2008

DJ Fraggle Rock

For those of you with Seattle U. connections, I recently received an email from the man you know as DJ Fraggle Rock (Reuben Joseph). As many of you may know Reuben is now in Iraq and was recently interviewed by a local Seattle tv station. I thought you would enjoy watching this. The first link is what actually aired and the second link is a complete interview with "Frags."

For those of you who don't know what I am talking about, Reuben was on the Seattle U track and cross-country team with me, and was also a DJ. If you remember an earlier post, he is the one who was running up and down the halls of a hotel at 2 in the morning after a meet screaming "Who got a Playstation!" Since he had met some other people he challenged to a game on the Playstation and wanted to settle the score.

Interview with KIRO tv

Full Interview

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Oral Cancer Awareness Week

Oral Cancer Awareness Week is coming up, April 21-27, and I hope to post information about oral cancer so that people can better understand it. I found this article on headandneck.org, an organization devoted to head and neck cancer.

Click Here

This many of of you have seen. It appeared in the Wall Street Journal:

Click Here

Friday, March 28, 2008

Thursday, March 27, 2008

CT-scan

I had a CT-scan on Tuesday to measure my progress. It is not as detailed as something like a PET-scan, but it does provide some useful information. I had previously had a CT-scan maybe a month ago when I developed an infection, so they were able to compare the two to see how things have changed. The results showed that my lymph nodes are definitely improving. They had gone down since the previous CT-scan, and so the doctor was optimistic about the way things were going.

We will know a lot more in about two months though when I have a PET-scan. That is on May 14th, and it will tell us whether I really kicked the cancer's butt Chuck Norris style or whether the ENT will have to perform one more surgery.

I guess I better go watch some Walker Texas Ranger to learn sweet new moves!

Steve

Monday, March 24, 2008

Article with UA econ prof

Here is a great article by U of A Econ professor, Dr. Swanson. Dr. Swanson's popularity on campus is hard to describe; people love him so much. He has an incredible ability to explain economics in common sense terms and inspires a passion for the subject in all of his students.

Article

Friday, March 21, 2008

Quote of the Day

Quote of the Day: "This isn't Carmen San Diego. This is the University of San Diego." -- CBS Sports Announcer.

I wish I was playing Where in the World is Carmen San Diego right now. Of course I can't download it because it is not compatible with Windows Vista. I checked and The Oregon Trail is also not compatible with Vista. Good work Bill Gates. For those of you interested:

Carmen San Diego

The Oregon Trail

Both have dowload options.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Sun Devils

It wasn't just bad news for Sun Devil fans this weekend. There was also some good news.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

NCAA Tournament

I thought it would be fun to have a tournament pool for everyone who reads the blog. Anyone is welcome to join.

You just need to go to here and set up a user id and password.

Then go here to join the Mighty Ducks group. The group name is Mighty Ducks. The group abbreviation is mightyducks, and the group password is gordon_bombay.

I think that should do it. If not let me know, but I think it should be easy with the information I have given you to join the group. If people have better suggestions then just post them under the comments.

The Candidates

Who is the only candidate for curtailing the monstrous amount of farm subsidies doled out every year that are keeping poor countries from being able to sell their products? Click here

Hint: It is the same candidate who is the only one for ending the ethanol subsidies. Click here

But what's wrong with Ethanol. Click here

Saturday, March 15, 2008

The Poor Yankees

A Yankees player makes a terribly hard slide into a Devil Rays' shortstop, gets fined and somehow the Yankees are the victims in all this. Look at what Hank Steinbrenner had the gall to say. Note: you may want to throw up if you c0ntinue reading. In fact reading this made me more nauseous than any chemo treatment.

This time, Yankees general partner Hank Steinbrenner took up the charge, reaffirming the front office's support of manager Joe Girardi, backing the players and making a comment that clearly was directed at the small-market Rays.

"I don't want these teams in general to forget who subsidizes a lot of them, and it's the Yankees, the Red Sox, Dodgers, Mets," he said to The New York Post. "I would prefer if teams want to target the Yankees that they at least start giving some of that revenue sharing and luxury tax money back. From an owner's point of view, that's my point."

I guess not wanting to get cleated in the chest counts as going as going after the Yankees.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Brophy Lacrosse

Last night was the final tune-up for the Broncos before their trip to D.C. for the Jesuit High School Lacrosse Classic. The Broncos looked tough and so did freshman sensation Ryan "Manny" Manos. Manos was put it at goalie to replace Junior, Duke-committed goalie Pierce and notched a very impressive save, allowing only one goal.

The defending state champion Broncos will have their hands full as the tournament is "arguably the country's premier high school lacrosse tournament." The tournament features tough teams like #5 ranked Georgetown Preparatory School.

Good luck Broncos!

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

life in the Old Pueblo

I have been resisting temptations to link to any articles, so I just thought I would give an update on what has been going on. Although, it is likely more articles will be coming!

At the beginning of my treatment, my Aunt Maryanne had her class make cards for me, which was really nice, and one card stood out among all the others. It was from a girl who had Leukemia and told me she knew what I was going through. Here is a picture of it:

The card has been a great reminder that there are worse things to go through than my type of cancer. Going to treatments, you always see people that remind you that life could be a lot tougher.

I have been fortunate to have an incredible amount of support and that has made all the difference in the world. I have been amazed at how many people visit this blog!

Still, things have not been improving quite as fast as I had hoped, but it is definitely nice not to have to go get radiation every day. You can't complain when you get to sleep in until noon and then read and surf the internet all day! So, this isn't complaining, just telling you what's going on. It is still difficult to talk, so I rarely do it. My throat is really raw, which makes talking difficult, and has kept me from eating. The other problem is that I produce a lot of mucus in my mouth, and there is some blood in the mucus. Once the blood stops showing up in the mucus, I think that will be a good signal for my throat having healed.

From here on out, I meet with the radiation oncologist every week for the next three weeks, will have a CT scan in two weeks, and a PET-scan in about three months. The PET and CT scans are to make sure that we have gotten everything. My ear, nose, and throat doctor/surgeon is a little worried about two nodes on the left side of my neck that still appear enlarged. If they do show up positive, I will have to have another surgery to remove (many of) the lymph nodes on the left side of my neck. (Many of the right ones are already gone.) So, I am starting a routine of meditation and hopefully yoga to try alternative healing. Also, I am starting to put together recipes of healthier cancer fighting meals for when I can eat again. (Note: this does not rule out eating Greek style macaroni and cheese.)

It has been nice to have visitors. I have gotten great visits from Ted, the Dude, Lynn, Maw Maw, and Mary (and my family). I know I have discouraged visiting when I wasn't feeling well, but if people want to now, they are more than welcome. For those of you in Seattle or who want to go to Seattle I hope to go there in about a month. I will give an update on that as plans solidify for those who would want to meet up there.

For my fellow runners, I think we are hoping to set up some sort of reunion/get together. Let me know what you think.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Baby Blankets

Two of my friends started a baby blanket company and they are producing the coolest blankets. Here is a link to their website. I never imagined I would be passionate about baby blankets, but I am about these. Also, please don't get one for Mary and Danny; I think they already got enough loot.

Steve

Sunday, March 9, 2008

photos from my walks

One of my favorite ways to recuperate is to go on walks at night. It is so peaceful and gorgeous in the foothills that I am always more relaxed and content afterwards. On weeknights my dad, Jen, and I have a 2.5 mile route that we usually do and I just finished a nice walk with my mom and Jen.

I decided to post a few pictures of the walks and the surrounding area.

The women of Placita Bacanora:


Snow in Tucson!



My mom and I:

Friday, March 7, 2008

More

I have to admit that the articles I linked to earlier are from Greg Mankiw's blog. Greg is a famous economist who has served on the President's Council of Economic Advisors and wrote the most commonly used intro to Econ textbook.

I found this article on NAFTA

http://www.american.com/archive/2008/march-02-08/doing-a-job-on-nafta

And this slide show is a GREAT explanation of what happened in the subprime markets. WARNING: it is PG13 for some strong language-i.e. Mom you should probably skip this one. If you look at one of the two, look at this. It is pretty funny.

http://docs.google.com/TeamPresent?docid=ddp4zq7n_0cdjsr4fn&skipauth=true&pli=1

Thursday, March 6, 2008

one more economics post

I really liked both articles, so I am going to respond to Billy's post. Jim we can discuss more over making some calzones, and Bean we can discuss more when I come up to the Great Northeast.

I just wanted to clarify why the government gives tax breaks to U.S. companies that locate overseas. At first it seems like some horrible Republican scheme to make the rich richer; it seems like some way to promote the corporate greed that is strangling the poor and American culture.

I know this is what it sounds like, but there is what I think a logical explanation for it; although Barak and Hillary would like the people of Ohio to think this is why they have lost their jobs. The explanation is that at some point it became popular for American companies to repatriate to foreign countries to take advantage of both cheap labor and lower tax rates. Many developing countries like Vietnam were able to experience high economic growth rates by creating Export Processing Zones (EPZs) or Free Trade Zones (FTZs) which are areas of the country that are designated as trade barrier free and tax free. So American companies could move there and pay no corporate taxes and could import intermediate products without paying any tariffs. In other words, they are areas of the country that literally practice free trade. As my uncle Jim pointed out, in the U.S. and all other countries, we don't really practice free trade.

The U.S. suffered not only from job losses, but also started losing a significant amount of income in the form of lost income taxes. So, the U.S. wanted to devise a way to keep these companies from repatriating. In other words, the U.S. wanted to let companies move elsewhere and still tax them. The solution was to offer them a lower corporate tax rate- i.e. give them a tax break. The idea being if we don't do this we lose their taxes and so we might as well accept less taxes rather than none.

I was not aware of Barak Obama's plan to give tax breaks to companies that stay here. In general I don't see why you wouldn't just lower the corporate tax rate to make it more attractive for companies to locate here. Part of it is that I am not a believer in all these amendments to our tax system, and am in favor of simplifying things.

But what does this mean for the strength of the dollar? Well, anything that makes it more attractive to invest in U.S. companies means that would strengthen the dollar. More prosperous U.S. companies means more foreigners want to invest in the U.S. and to do this they need U.S. dollars. This increase in demand for U.S. dollars increases the value of the dollar. I am not really sure if this answers your question.

I don't know what the impact on exports would be on more companies locating here, because the dollar may strengthen hurting exports, but we are also producing more; so I don't know what the net effect is.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Two Posts in One Day

I am only posting twice, because I am watching the election results come in and NAFTA is turning out to be one of the main issues for the Democrats. So, I am linking to two articles. The first article is a "conservative" article explaining how NAFTA is not the problem

http://www.realclearpolitics.com/articles/2008/03/rescuing_the_rust_belt.html

The second article is for you "liberals". It is about why Obama is a better pick for people who believe in free trade. I don't know if I believe it, but it is interesting.

http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/f24fa1c4-e92b-11dc-8365-0000779fd2ac.html

By the way, the articles are written by two of the most respected economists. Let me know what you think.

Recovery

It has been a little while since I posted because there hasn't really been much to update on. One of the worst problems that came with the radiation is that I constantly am producing a ton of mucus in my mouth. So, I am always spitting into Kleenex to try and get rid of it. It is pretty gross and keeps me up all night. I also have a lot of mucus in my chest and other areas which keeps me up. I thought this problem would at least diminish by now, but there has been no real progress. Also, my throat is still really sore from the radiation.

So, it looks like it will still be a while before I can eat, but all in all, I am in good spirits. It is really nice not to have to go in for radiation therapy everyday! Yesterday, I went to a Diamondbacks spring training game, and Saturday I went for a great hike with my mom, sister, and the Dude. So, I am back to being pretty active again. Thank you all for your continued support.

Steve

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Perspective

I wanted to write a little bit to put some perspective on what I have been through. First, I would not have been able to do what I did without the man standing to my left in the picture- my dad. My dad took a six month leave of absence from work just to come stay with me in Tucson and take care of me. I initially underestimated how hard all this would be and thought that it was really nice of him, but that he might not have much caretaking work. Boy was I wrong. There is no way I would have done this without a caretaker as loving, compassionate, and dedicated as my dad. He has put his life on hold solely for the purpose of constantly taking care of my every need. For this I am eternally grateful, and I know this would have been much tougher without him.

My second caretaker is a woman who set a record for amount of throw up cleaned up in a two week period. That is Jen. She tirelessly researched everything to do with head and neck cancer, and was beyond prepared to tell me what was normal and what people were doing whenever I came across a problem. Beyond that she is responsible for me having such high spirits through the whole ordeal. Any time I got to see her was a time for me to just be happy. For Valentine's day, she decorated my room, and almost everyday throughout the whole treatment she did at least something as simple as leaving me a note. Since she learned so much about the whole process she was an invaluable resource for keeping me doing what I needed to be doing.

My ultimate perspective on the whole thing is that I had to go through something very unfortunate, but it was simply something that I had to do. Any of you would have done the same thing. When you are faced with this situation, there is just no other option besides to fight. And I fought a miserable, cruel fight. I don't and never have viewed my situation as tragic. There are much worse things that can happen to one in life. As far as bad things go, I got off relatively easy. I will have to sacrifice through changing my lifestyle for the next few years, but for other tragedies the recovery is not that easy.

I hope my sister doesn't mind me bringing her up, but she is my true hero and source of inspiration, because she went through a legitimate tragedy. Her journey was harder than mine, and I would go through my treatment forever if it meant having to avoid what she has been through. And yet, her situation never got the kind of press someone going through cancer gets. I don't even know if she got as much support as I got. What I have realized through all this is to pay attention to all suffering, not just the ones that are obvious. I hope to keep forever, the sensitivity that this terrible disease has given me.

Steve

video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2kSfRkOjmKQ

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Done

I will definitely keep the blog going through my first Berto's burrito. I should still have some more interesting stuff to post, although hopefully it's all good.

Today was a very exciting and emotional day. It's hard to describe how overwhelming it was to have them take off the mask for the last time. The radiation technicians gave me a special diploma and a rose for having completed the 33 radiation treatments. Everyone was so supportive.

One of my fellow cancer fighters gave me an incredible card. He came up to me one day about a week ago and said him and his wife have been praying for me even though we had never even met. Then, today, he gave me very nice congratulatory card. I can't tell you how thankful I am to people like that and to all of you who have shown me such incredible support. I truly love you all. You have made this a lot easier on me and I am forever grateful.

Steve

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

tomorrow

Tomorrow is my last day of treatment! I should finish about 2:00. The radiation starts at 1:30 and lasts about a half an hour. It will be a very welcome ending. I have been feeling pretty terrible lately. I threw up 5 times yesterday and once two hours ago. I actually started this blog then had to go take a break. I don't know what is causing all this but I can't wait for it to go away.

Thanks to all the people cheering me on. It will still be a little bit of a challenge after all this is over, but at least i can rest all the time. It will take a little while for my mouth to heal up, but hopefully the healing process goes quickly.

Steve

Saturday, February 23, 2008

stew

To my list of what I am going to eat, I need to add my grandma's stew. I am watching Jen and my mom eat it right now and it is absolute torture. Maw Maw, can you make this for me when I am feeling better?

Steve

movies

Using my Blockbuster gift card, last weekend I rented three movies: Rocket Science, Waking Ned Devine, and King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters, and all were superb. But, King of Kong really stole the show. If you haven't seen it, it is a documentary about a man from Redmond, WA and his quest to get the highest Donkey Kong score of all time. He is up against current record holder Billy Mitchell, who also is the only person to ever get a perfect score in Pac-Man. The movie is really made by Billy who turns out to be the biggest buffoon in any documentary I have ever seen. You couldn't have written a better character if you tried. The bottom line is go to your nearest movie store, or Netflix King of Kong asap. It is the best humor documentary since Wordplay, although I don't want to say which one is better.

So, now this weekend, I am looking for more movies, and per Jim's suggestion, have decided to open up the forum to see what you think I should rent. I am looking for humorous or uplifting movies, although any movie in any genre will be considered fairly.

My top three come from my days sailing aboard the Misinclined. They are:
  1. Animal House
  2. Captain Ron
  3. Grumpy Old Men (or substitute Air Force One- "Get off my plane")
I actually had somewhat of a tough week. As I said earlier, I had to have chemo again on Tuesday, and i didn't really notice the effects at first, but starting on Thursday and continuing until now, I have felt really nauseous and out of it. I keep thinking that "tomorrow will be the day it passes" but that hasn't happened yet. Since I was feeling so bad, I actually couldn't go through with the radiation on Friday. I was just so nauseous and every time they put the mask on I just panicked. Finally, they gave me shot to calm me down, but that didn't work. Finally, I just called the whole thing off. So, instead of only having two days left, I still have three left. But that's ok. Only a half a week of treatment. I just need to get the nausea under control.

It's not too big of a deal, because my radiation oncologist actually wanted to take Friday off anyway. So, the finish line is still in site. Thanks for all your support.

Steve

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Thanks for all the book suggestions!

This was taken by Jen over the weekend. I bought three books this weekend. Thanks for all the great recommendations. I hope to get to them all at some point.

I had my last chemo treatment today! There was debate about whether or not to do it and if we should use the 5-FU. We decided to just do a small dose of Cisplatin and forgo the 5-FU since they think that's what wrecked my lips and neck. Also I only have five more days of radiation, so I can count down the days on one hand.

Steve

Saturday, February 16, 2008

new phone

I lost my phone at radiation about two weeks ago and finally got a new one today. The only problem is I don't have anyone's phone number anymore. Since it might be kind of weird to post that information on a public forum, you can email me at stevenmmanos@gmail.com or manoss@email.arizona.edu. Notice the two m's in the gmail address. Or you can just post here if you want. Thanks and I will have another update soon since I finished another week!

Steve

P.S. I still can't talk so don't be expecting any long chats but I can text message and my fingers seem to be doing fine through all this!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

books

Well I finished "The Road" by my favorite author Cormac McCarthy last night ("All the Pretty Horses" and "No Country for Old Men") but was thinking the whole time, "this is not the book to be reading while you are trying to stay in a good mood. It was superbly written and a great book, but it was just as weird and dark, although the ultimate message may have been good for my situation. The book is about a father and a son who wander the roads after most of civilization has been destroyed. There are very few other people alive and no animals survived some sort of tragedy that hit the earth. Very little happens, but it is a constant struggle for father and son to survive. The whole book is about not giving into the utter tragedy of the situation, but the situation is so tragic, it is hard to stay in a good mood while reading it. Plus, it is actually pretty suspenseful, which I think kept me from sleeping. I guess I am starting to say too much, but my point is, the book was great, but I want to read more uplifting material. (It doesn't sound like the greatest plot, but really is a good book.)

So, I am asking for suggestions as to what you think the most uplifting or humorous books are. My top three are:
  1. The Power of One
  2. Candide
  3. A Confederacy of Dunces
I have received good books from people, but I am running out and need something to read.

Good books people have given me are "New Rules" by Bill Maher (a book I found surprisingly funny), "I am America and So Can You" by Stephen Colbert (very funny) and "Pure Drivel" by Steve Martin (haven't listened to it yet). Also, I wouldn't classify it as an uplifting book but "A Fine Balance" was one of the most remarkable books I have read in a while if you are looking for something to read.

So any suggestions you have would be great.

Steve

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Back in the Saddle

I started radiation again yesterday, but before I talk about that I wanted to tie up a few loose ends with some previous posts.

Ted and Billy are right that Honey Bears and Berto's should be added to the Phoenix list respectively. As is my mom for suggesting El Chorro. My bad.

On the Seattle side, I had forgotten about the taco truck, because it was harder to keep track of than the dude. I thought it had gone the way of disco. But, if it still alive and well (apparently x3) then put them all on the list.

As far as San Diego goes, with me leaving off Sara's, Gabiano's, and the Bull Weevil, well, I never included San Diego in the cities, because the cities I listed were ones I hoped to visit by early summer, and the San Diego trip comes in late summer. Plus, nobody said Filipi's, which is still my favorite despite a seeming ambivalence from the rest of the family. Since this was left out, I don't feel too bad for excluding San Diego food.

I was very impressed with all the comments from the state of the economy post. Everybody really put a lot of thought into it. Even Seth's short comment was brilliant. It was interesting last night when I stumbled onto a website that had Econ t-shirts, and one shirt said, "Sure it works in practice, but does it work in THEORY." I had a pretty good chuckle, because that's the way academic economists seem to think. All the papers presented in the Econ department seminars have almost nothing to do with reality. This is a real problem for an economist when you then have to talk about real life situations. I think my own comments come from a point of view with an obvious lack of experience, and is one that relies more on theory. You can contrast that with the unbelievable insights of my uncles who showed great knowledge in how economics plays out daily in their jobs. I hate to single people out, but I was really impressed with Jim, David, Brian (not an uncle, but a former coach so close enough), and Bean's comments. I am sure we will get to talk more one on one in the future. And Bean it would be great to be discussing economics on the CT back roads again. I do feel I have some more arguments for you against the minimum wage but I will save them until then. But can't we agree that a national minimum wage of $11.15 is a little high? Like I said in the blog, I have to imagine that has an impact on poorer states like West Virginia.

My only other follow up discussion would be on OPEC. There was an interesting article in the Economist last summer I wish I could find, and will post if I do. The article was on three common economic misperceptions. Number two was that the current high oil prices are due to OPEC. While it is true that OPEC played a larger role in the oil shocks in the 70s, and was very successful controlling prices then, its influence is no longer as strong. Since 1973, OPEC has steadily lost ground in the world share of oil produced. It reached a high of 52% and now produces about 40%. This is not to say that OPEC can't alter prices, but if you look at modern day fluctuations in demand, they are a much better predictor of price changes. In other words, it is the old fashion laws of supply and demand rather than conspiratory cartel behavior that explains why oil is above $100 a barrel. The fact is that demand for oil has surged over the last few years and will continue to surge unless we are to change our behavior. These surges are what have caused the price increases. In other words, we are handcuffing our own hands and doing nothing about it. One blog reader sent me an interesting email saying sales of SUVs actually increased in 2007! With China booming and the U.S. consumer refusing to change his preferences, we can only expect the problem to get worse. And it won't be OPEC's fault; it will be our own.


Sorry, for the rambling, but I did start treatment again yesterday! To be honest I was nervous and hesitant to start again, because me lips were previously so banged up. They looked like I was repeatedly punched by someone wearing barbed wire over their boxing gloves. It was almost unbelievable to look at. But, by Monday they were much better. I was still fearful that once we started again, they would go back to looking terrible, but so far so good. I am getting to the point in my treatment where I am not quite close enough to being finished to get excited, so I am getting kind of impatient. But, once this week is done, then I have next week, and if I get through next week, I will be on the last week! So, really I am closer than I think. Overall, I am feeling better and have more energy that I did in the past. The chemo really did a number on me and I am just now starting to get over that. The week where I have chemo and radiation at the same time was definitely the worst.

I also have good news that I am doing a reverse balding. You know how most people get bald on top and then have the classic horshoe pattern of hair around the side and back of the head? Well, mine is the opposite. Just the back of my head is balding, and I think that is all that I am really going to loose. Unfortunately I am not allowed to just chop all the hair off or I would, but after this is over I probably will.

Steve

Sunday, February 10, 2008

state of the economy

(Warning: reading this column make make you so bored you end up in a worse condition than I am.)

In retrospect, I really regret ever saying I would do this post, as I haven't really been paying attention to the economy too much. Also, I realized it was a lot more work than I wanted to put in. I have watched a lot of political news, but it's all about the election. Listening to most of candidates speak actually hurts your economic knowledge, so I hope I don't say too much that doesn't make sense. I will tell you now, that raising the minimum wage to $11.15, as Edwards wanted, does not make sense (more later), and injecting $1 billion into the housing market, as Hillary wanted, does not make sense. I am not really sure where these people get their numbers. Do they just randomly think they make sense, or do they have economists who crunched the numbers and found they were the best? My guess is the former.

My other reason for not wanting to do a state of the economy blog is that surprisingly, I know very little about Macroeconomics--the area that deals with things like recessions. There are no Macroeconomist researcher on staff at U of A, and the one "Macro" class we do take is literally just a theory course on Dynamic Programming. The most helpful textbook was an operations research textbook, followed by Stokey, Lucas, Prescott. Basically, I know the math behind Macro, but nothing about Macro. This probably means nothing to most people, I just wanted to say I know very little about Macro. In fact, if you read the Economist weekly, you know more than I do.

So, all analysis here will really come from an introductory Econ class.

First, I need to talk about the dollar, because I am so annoyed by this McDonald's commercial. In case you haven't seen it, a group of nincompoops is sitting around talking about how the dollar is tanking. Then, a smug worker comes in saying he got a double cheeseburger for a dollar, and then all the nincompoops start talking about how strong the dollar is. The commercial makes me so upset, because these workers are confusing inflation with the strength of the dollar. Let's get one thing strait: changes in the price of domestic goods represents inflation. You paying more for a pair of Levi's, movie ticket, and other goods is inflation. If prices go down, that is deflation. Most likely, neither is correlated with the strength of the dollar.

The strength of the dollar represents how costly it is to buy a particular foreign currency. The dollar only rises and falls with respect to a particular other currency. For instance, it could rise against the pound but fall against the Euro. It so happens, that the dollar has continuously fallen against all: pound, Euro, Yen, Loonie, and other major currencies.

What does this mean? It means if you want to buy a European good or a European stock, it is going to now cost you more, because you have to trade in more dollars to get the same amount of Euros.

If you read a Newsweek article on the subject a year or two ago, you would think the falling dollar was a sign of the apocolypse, but what are the real consequences? They are both good and bad, but a weak dollar is not the end of the world. For instance, it is well known that the United States has a very bad trade imbalance. Since the 70's we have imported more than we have exported and keep doing so in larger proportions. A weaker dollar will help alleviate this problem, since it means that foreign goods are now more expensive. Also, for foreigners, our goods are relatively cheaper. So, foreigners will buy more of our goods and we will buy less of their goods; thus, reducing the trade imbalance.

The downside to a weak dollar is that if a foreigner wants to invest in U.S. stocks or bonds (and they do heavily) it is now more expensive for them to do do. Say someone in Japan wants to buy a 5 year Treasury note. Well, now they have to trade in more Yen than they used to in order to buy the note. So, we would expect a lowering of foreign investment into the United States.

Is this a problem? Yes. Investment is perhaps the biggest catalyst of growth. Firms (businesses) obviously need capital in order to finance new projects or to expand their businesses. We want firms to expand, because that means more jobs. It also means more innovation. We want there to be sufficient capital to help start new businesses and to help businesses develop new ideas. It may be cheesy, but it is true that this entrepreneurial spirit is what makes the U.S. so great, and it will be necessary to sustain our greatness in the future.

Aside: this is why the "big three" auto manufacturers make me so mad. They fail innovate and just stick with the same mold year in and year out. It makes me so mad, that I have had to start rooting against them. I don't understand how you could compete so poorly with foreign auto manufacturers. I do blame part of it on the unions, although they shouldn't bear the brunt of the blame. I can't find the numbers, but I once heard that union costs add somewhere between $500 to $1,000 to the price of every domestic car. The real reason for the "big three's" failure is an inability to innovate. They failed to forsee the compact car revolution and they failed to forsee the hybrid revolution. Ford does have a legitimate hybrid in the Escape but had to license the technology from Toyota after they violated Toyota's patent right. GM has as abundant amount of commericals lauding their hybrids but nothing to really compete with the Prius or Civic. Also, they have tended to focus on alternative fuels rather than electic cells like Toyota and Honda. If you look, the Malibu hybrid gets a whopping 32 mpg on the highway! Wow!

Aside2: It does not make sense to try to develop hydrogen or ethanol fuel compatible engines in the U.S. as GM is doing. First, how do we get hyrogen? In the U.S. we get it buy buring coal. So, calling hydrogen, "a green alternative" doesn't make sense. The U.S. currently gets about 50% of all its energy from coal, which is an issue I may discuss later, but coal is the worst option for producing energy, and I can't see why we'd want to use more of it. Second, ethanol can be used in fuel and is made from crops like sugar and corn. The problem is (1) why do we keep looking to natural resources as an answer when there is currently technology that allows propulsion to occur based on an automobiles' own energy. I.e. Toyota and Honda have developed a way to power a car using no outside fuel inputs. Shouldn't we be following this route rather than just looking for other inputs? (2) A surge in using agricultural commodities drastically affects agricultural markets. It doesn't take an Econ PhD to tell you what will happen to the price of corn when demand for it shoots through the roof-- it is going to raise high. In turn then, some people will turn to substitutes like wheat instead, and that increase in demand is going to raise the price of wheat. So, what you are doing is raising the prices of agricultural goods, and ultimately food prices in the U.S. Plus, the U.S. already consumes an unbelievable amount of corn. If you look at what you eat, you will be very surprised to see that you probably can't go a day without consuming corn. Anyone who simply drinks a soda will do so.

Sorry for the asides, but my point with the dollar is that it is not as bad as it is made out to be. If you are staying in the U.S. and not traveling abroad, it really shouldn't affect you too much. Also, as long as U.S. firms remain dominant, people will keep investing here.

So, Steve, what about this recession! First, contrary to what you might think, the economy is still in an expansionary phase, and we're not in a recession. Yes, many signs point to an upcoming recession. The Dow, Nasdaq, and S&P 500 all had down weeks; jobless numbers are up; and consumer confidence is down. These are all three indicators that an upcoming recession is LIKELY but does not mean that we will have own. I do lean towards there being a recession simply because of all the talk of a recession. The politicians and media have been working overtime to scare consumers, and just creating the expectation of a recession can cause a recession. Consumers will cutback on spending out of fear for their jobs or financial security and cause a recession. I didn't read a recent Newsweek, but again, the cover was a nightmarish prophecy of a doomed economy. I am not sure why Newsweek is so pessimistic, but they are not helping matters by scaring people. (If you did read this issue and I am wrong about scaring people, please let me know.)

In order to have a recession, we need two consecutive quarters of negative growth in real GDP (gross domestic product). In other words, we need to produce less as a country for two consecutive quarters. My guess is that if there is a recession, it will be relatively short and mild, much like the previous recession. That's one reason I can't understand this rush to create a stimulus package. The other reason is that stimulus packages rarely work. I am not a believer that President Bush's tax cuts got us out of the previous recession. I think we were on our way out anyway. I also think that by the time you get your $200 dollar check, the economy will probably be fine. Aside from the fact that stimulus packages like these are usually so poorly timed, there is no economic evidence that these types of stimulus packages do anything to help the economy. They only thing they do is help politicians. Stimulus packages are politically popular, because politicians need to be able to say, "look what I'm doing to help you." And most Americans buy into it. Unfortunately a lot of times no action is better than action, but politicians are too afraid to say this. John McCain was the only politician I saw who said he didn't know if he would do anything about the housing "crisis." Thank you John.

Let's talk for a minute about this "crisis." First, everyone saw it coming, but no one did anything. The Economist magazine had been predicting a collapse in the U.S. housing market at least two years before it actually happened and did so regularly. Did this cause financial institutions to change their lending practices, or homeowners to change their borrowing habits? No. So it is hard for me to feel too sorry for companies like Countrywide. To me, they were greedy in their practices of giving out loans, and should not be surprised that a large number of people had to default. If you are giving out no-doc loans you shouldn't be surprised when people can't pay. On the campaign trail Hillary Clinton has been talking about the family that took out a second mortgage to finance a college eduction for their kid and then had to default on their home. Well, Hillary, I don't think this is the average reason Americans were taking out second mortgages. Most saw that interest rates were low (temporarily) and decided to refinance to milk as much cash as they could out of their house. Most probably bought a new car, television, etc. Then, when interest rates went up, they were unable to pay because they signed some sort of variable interest mortgage. While, I feel for a lot of these people, I don't think a bail out of the mortgage industry is a good idea. In economics there is a term called moral hazard. It simply means that people act differently when they don't bear the consequences of their actions. I.e. people drive more recklessly when they have car insurance. Or here, financial institutions behave more poorly (take on too much risk) when they know the government is going to bail them out. If financial institutions know they are going to be bailed out by the government, then they are going to be too greedy in their actions. So, the government needs to set a precedent now, that they don't bail out companies that behaved poorly. Thank you to John McCain for being the only one to agree.

Back to the recession. The housing market will correct itself in time, and its impact on the economy will become minimal.

But, Steve, should the government do anything? The only thing I would do is TEMPORARILY alter unemployment benefits. You should see research/articles by Alan Krueger on the matter. In most times, I do not believe in high unemployment benefits. It has been well shown that high unemployment benefits lead to a much higher unemployment rate. This is why the unemployment rate in the U.S. is two times lower that most Western European countries. Western European countries have a very large unemployment web to fall into, and unemployment benefits last for a long time and benefits are very high. I don't think you have to be an economist to see why unemployment would be a lot higher. During times of downturn though, high benefits don't keep people from working as much, and as I said, they help ease consumer fears. Consumers won't spend much less, knowing that if they lose their job, they wond't lose their financial security. I emphasized temporary, because many social fixes start out as temporary but become permanent.

I think the government needs to be a little more worried about the long term health of the economy, and there are a few things that hinder it. The first, is the much talked about dependence on foreign energy. The solution has been to invest in things like ethanol, which I just don't get, and cannot understand why we aren't looking at other alternatives. One is wind. Wind power has steadily grown in the U.S. but setting up a "wind farm" is such a capital intensive operation that an insufficient number are set up. Also, there were originally problems with the blades cutting down flocks of birds, but the blades now turn slow enough that this isn't a problem. Another benefit of wind power is that once the "farm" is set up, there are really no additional costs. Wind power isn't popular though, because there is no one to lobby for it like there is for ethanol. President Bush is going to promote ethanol because that's where the money is.

Another option is nuclear energy. France actually gets something like 70% of its energy from nuclear sources. My main point though, is that there are other means than ethanol to look into.

The second hindrance for long term growth is the U.S.'s high corporate tax rate. The U.S. corporate income tax rate is 34%, and is the highest among OECD countries. As a reference, in Ireland the corporate income tax rate is 12.5% and since Ireland lowered their corporate income tax rate, they have seen an incredible surge in their economy. You may have heard the term "Celtic Tiger" to describe Ireland's economy. As American's it is natural to be concerned with the exodous of U.S. corporations to other countries, but we must ask ourselves why is this happening. Part of the answer is cheap labor abroad, but part of the answer is that the tax situation in other countries is much more friendly. Many Asian economies have areas that are no tax zones, so that a U.S. corporation could move there are pay no corporate income tax. It's then not hard to see why it is tempting for U.S. corporations to move off-shore.

Corporations have to compete, and the fact is that not all corporations are as successful as Microsoft. Many struggle to be viable, and those that are viable have to maintain healthy profits to satisfy shareholders. We can make it less attractive for marginal corporations to move off-shore if we lower the corporate income tax rate. It is not Microsoft that we are worried about moving its headquarters to Thailand. Companies like this can afford to pay the high rate. In fact, they probably prefer the high rate because it drives out marginal competitors. So, its not like you are really socking it to the Wall-Street fat cats by having a high corporate income tax. You are socking it to the marginal corporation operating in an ordinary American city.

Lastly, this is my problem with the minimum wage. You are not hurting Microsoft with a high minimum wage. But you are hurting your local coffee shop or sandwich shop. These businesses that are on the margin of surviving are the ones that are hurt and are the ones that will either have to lay people off or go out of business. If they can't lay off people, then they have to raise their prices, which is what happened to many shops in Tucson after the recent minimum wage increase. I think there is a common misperception that just because you have a business you must be doing well and can afford to have money taken away from you, but this is just not the case for the vast majority of businesses in the U.S. I recently talked with a local coffee shop owner who said her business was already struggling and with a new increase in the Arizona minimum wage was really worried about her shop. She did say she was for the increase, but that it did hurt her business. I only bring this up, because John Edwards wanted to raise the minimum wage even way higher to like $11.15. Well, this may make sense in Seattle, but what do you think this is going to do in West Virginia. I guarantee you it would hurt employment. And who do you think is going to have a hard time finding a job? Well-educated people? No, poor, uneducated people are hurt the most be the minimum wage, because their jobs are the first to go. Some people end up winners-those that can keep their jobs, but some end up losers because they can't get a job at that high of a wage rate.

If you made it this far congratulations. I hope I didn't bore you too much and feel free to criticize me all you want. Like I said, I am not an expert on the subject, but do have an opinion. I could very well be wrong on a number of things, but the alternative energy and corporate tax thing I am pretty passionate about.

Steve


Oh, and my last two points were going to be the educational system in the United States and the amount of visas given out to educated foreigners. I think its silly to restrict these visas, as we have. I think our primary and secondary educational systems are broken. But I am not one to believe in some national fix. I think it's each state's responsibility to invest heavily in education and to try to innovate. By not nationalizing education, hopefully we promote innovation, where different states try different things and we can learn from the successes and failures in order to grow.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

what i am going to eat once i can again

Thanks for all your kind words. I have one more post before the state of the economy post and that is what I plan on eating once I can eat again. I am open to other suggestions, but they have to be homemade. Also, you'll note, this mission is going to have to involve my grandmother (maw maw) heavily, but I do contribute myself. Thanks again for all your support.

Not in a particular order but this is what I am going to eat for dinner during the first two weeks I can (all homemade):
  • greek style macaroni and cheese
  • dolmades
  • spanakopita
  • chili
  • green chili
  • lesco (hungarian dish)
  • lasagna
  • chicken pot pie
  • hamburger with swiss cheese portabello mushrooms and grilled onions
  • greek style pork chops
  • my own macaroni and cheese
  • my own enchiladas
  • flank steak
  • calzones: whoever is around we will all make our own kinds

When I go to other cities after this is all over and want to eat out:

Phoenix: Los Dos Molinos, Phoenix City Grille
Seattle: Dick's, Piecora's, Yoshinos, Duke's Chowder House
Eugene: Burrito Boy
Hartford: Trumbull Kitchen, but really anything my Aunt Connie cooks is best
Malad: Drive-in

hold on (not related to the song i suggested earlier which got very little praise)

Today, I woke up just praying that the TOMO machine that does my radiation would be broken. That happened once in the past, but today it would would have saved me a lot of pain. You see, my lips have become horribly disfigured over the last few days, and the sores in my mouth are also painful. My lips are swollen and encrusted in scabs and are very painful. I reached a low last night when they started to bleed pretty hard. I just put a wet towel there, but it was painful because the towel got stuck to the lips.

I met with my medical oncologist yesterday and he said the reason I looked so bad was from the 5-FU. I should actually back up a month or two to when the medical oncologist called me at home and said he was considering adding 5-FU to my treatment but he wanted me to know that the side effects would be very bad, which he reiterated a few times. I of course was willing to take anything they threw at me because I wanted to be as aggressive as possible, regardless of the pain. Then, the medical oncologist asked to speak to my dad to tell him of the drug and get him on board, reiterating how tough it would be.

Well, according to the medical oncologist, the 5-FU drastically increases the power of the radiation, and that caused the radiation to rip apart my mouth and lips.

On Monday I talked with the radiation oncologist, and we agreed to lower the amount of radiation going to the lips. Yesterday, we did treatment as usual, and today I was laying down on the TOMO machine, ready to go, when one of the radiation techs said wait a minute, "I am going to go page Dr. ____." The doctor came in and said we would postpone treatment today and thanked the girls for alarming him of my worsening lip situation.

The radiation oncologist basically said they modified my plan, but that there was very little radiation going there to begin with, and that it must be the chemo causing the sores. He also said we would have to take time off because there is a certain threshold of what your body can take and that I was there. I was worried because the day before the medical oncologist warned that taking breaks of six or seven days was bad. In general, I have heard that you want to complete your radiation with no breaks. So, I brought this up to the doctor and he said anything over five days is considered a break, but that we wouldn't go that long. This made me feel better. It also made me feel better when he said there is such a thing as being too aggressive. I think we have been very aggressive, but still want to push on as best we can.

I have a very rigorous plan of how to repair the lips. It basically involves about a 30 minute routine to be done every hour or two on the lips. It's designed to give moisture to the lips, which is ultimately how they'll heel. So, I am going to be fastidious about this, and also make sure to get all my calories, so my body can use them to heal.


I have mixed feelings about all this, but am still confident everything will be fine, and it will be nice to have healed lips.

I am still debating the "state of the economy post" as it seems like a lot of work, but I think a short posting should be coming soon. Also, look for a new post about what I plan on eating after this is over. I think this should be of particular interest to my cousin Ellen in Thailand who must already have a list of the American food she is going to eat when she gets back. Also, Ellen, were you referring to Los Compadres on 7th Avenue?

Sunday, February 3, 2008

get ready to rock

Given my love for BTO I think someone must have already suggested "Takin' Care of Business" so I won't suggest it, but BTO (Bachman Turner Overdrive) does have another song that rocks even harder "You ain't seen nothing yet." I would like this to be added to the Manos' list.

I was really surprised, when I saw BTO in concert (the second time) they literally played "Takin' Care of Business" three times. Once to open the concert. The second at midnight (it was New Years Eve), and the third to close the concert, but "You Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet" could have been played just as much.

Of course, I should also add: "Let it ride," "Roll on Down the Highway," and "Hey You" by BTO as they also rock really hard. Really I celebrate the whole collection, but I just wanted the music record to show that my picks draw heavily from the BTO fountain.

Saturday, February 2, 2008

the week from ellensberg (for those not familiar with Washington, not a great place)

warning: sensitive material, don't read if sensitive stomach

I am in a good mood for now, so I am going to strike while the iron's hot and get a blog in. The amount of blogging in the future may depend on herculean task of U of A beating UCLA in basketball tonight. The Cats are looking good, but lilliputian good compared to UCLA.

This week proved to be quite trying. I had to do the chemo with the radiation this week. The deal is that once every three weeks I have to do chemotherapy. The chemo involves one dose of Cisplatin that I get sitting down; it takes about an hour. Then, for four days straight I get 5-FU. As Dominic pointed out, any drug ending in FU is bound to knock you around harder than the late great Dale Earnhardt. I got the 5-FU off today, and got a liter of fluids and am finally feeling a lot better. Despite throwing up while getting the pump off, and throwing up heavily every day this week, I am finally starting to get more strength. Part of this is due to the fact that I started to use my PEG-tube/Gastroenterology tube. Basically, it's my feeding tube that Jenny nicknamed Peggy. I can't say I enjoy using it. It's pretty degrading, so I don't let people watch, but Peggy gets the job done. She's been the only way I have been able to keep food down. Although, by food I mean Ensure, or Ensure mixed with something like vitamin water. Once I can go 24 hours without throwing up I am going to try and eat something again.

For some reason, my throat and mouth aren't as sore as they use to be, so I think I could eat solid foods. The one problem is that my taste buds are all thrown off. I had a Sprite this morning, which I drank because the carbonation makes me feel better, but I couldn't taste any sweetness. It just tasted like carbonated water. Looking back, I have strong suspicions the Sprite was the culprit in my morning gut heaving. But, my point is that I have almost no taste, but I do have really strong cravings, which is why I got the Sprite in the first place. My mom just mentioned she almost got tuna fish, and that's all I have been able to think about. It sounds so good, but it's probably just as well I can't eat it, since it wouldn't taste like I imagine.

I am really looking forward to this all being over with, for the simple reason of being able to eat what I want, whenever I want, and to be able to enjoy it. Of course, for those who keep my nutruition in check, this does not mean McDonald's for dinner every night, but it does mean biscuits n' gravy if I feel like biscuits n' gravy.

Brian, your comment about this being the point in the race where your language and demeanor changes is quite punctilious. This week was a real struggle, but I am going to take these two days of rest and fight hard this next week. It will be nice to just have the radiation and not the chemo and radiation at the same time. This is definitely harder than I ever thought, but we don't have too much longer to go.

Thanks for all your support and comments. Each one means the world to me, and while I would have liked to have posted more frequently, I wasn't feeling well, but reading your comments really helped.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

thanks

I haven't listed any individual thank you's so far because I have been truly uplifted by everyone's comments. I look forward everyday to see what people are saying and each comment you leave is truly a monumental present to me, no matter how small the comment. This last week was a tough week. I felt okay yesterday, but am back to not feeling so great today. While I'm going to go get in the shower and enjoy a shake and be in a fine mood for the rest of the day, all your comments help, also.

I did want to list three individuals to thank because they are three people everyone should thank. The first is Robert Renninger. Robert and I are good friends and ran cross-country and track and field together in college (and together pushed each other into more trouble than Seattle U could handle). Also, Robert broke my 5,000 meters school record in track in field, although I don't think he ever beat me in any race in college and I still have the 10,000 meters record. (See previous post about what a harder race the 10,000 meters is.)

But it was Robert who suggested I start the blog and set everything up for me. This was a great idea and has really helped me out. Looking back, I can't imagine going through all this without having this blog. I probably wouldn't have written this thank you this early, but Lydia rightly pointed out that Robert deserved a lot of credit.

That reminds me of one story from college. The track team was flying from Seattle to Boise in a very small plane, the kind with two seats on either side, and I had an empty seat next to me. A few other runners did too. Well, Lydia (a runner on the team) comes up to me from the front of the plane and says "Paula, (with her baby Ellie) only had one seat and had to sit next to someone, and that I should switch with her." Well, of course I felt terrible so I went up to the front of the plane and switched with Paula, only to see that right nearby Lydia had her aisle to herself. I said Lydia, "why wouldn't you have just offered," and she said that is was my job as the captain. The only reason I tell this story is to point out that Lydia has a knack of getting me to do the right thing.

The second person to thank is my Uncle Jim. Every single song that was ever suggested on the comment boards was put on a brand new iPod nano. Whether or not he could get the song on iTunes or not, he tracked it down and put it on. And most of you have your songs on your own playlist! Shelli, that meant he even put the whole Juno soundtrack under your playlist. I am looking forward to listening to all the songs everyone suggested. Also, I was really touched by what an incredible act this was for Jim. It meant a lot to me and won't soon be forgotten.

Lastly, I want to thank Tim Pickrell. Tim has been the epitome of selflfess through this whole process. For those of you who don't know Tim, he is a friend of my dad's. Tim lives in Phoenix, but as he says, he votes and his heart is in Pima county (where Tucson is). He is very involved in the University and lived in Tucson for many years. He still has a house in Tucson in a beautiful area, the Catalina Foothills. For those not familiar with Tucson, the City is surrounded on really all four sides by mountains. But the closest are the Santa Catalina mountains, with Mt. Lemmon being the largest mountain in the Catalinas at about 9,150 ft. Several times a year snow will cover the entire mountains, and Mt. Lemmon has skiing every year. The southernmost ski lift in the entire United States is on Mt. Lemmon, with the ski resort being "ski valley." So you can come down to ski if you want! It is actually open now, but the vertical drop is only around 900 ft, so don't expect too much.

But, back to my point, "the Foothills" area is a beautiful area to relax in. The desert surroundings are untouched, with no grass yards or anything like that. There are javalina, bobcat, and all sorts of desert wildlife around. From the very start of all this, when I was diagnosed with cancer, Tim has let us stay here, and has pampered us by fixing up the place with big screen TVs and new furniture. I can't imagine having to do all this in my small studio apartment. I will publish some photos to show how cool the area is, and Tim, it has meant a huge difference in my recovery and treatment to be able to stay at your house.

Of course, I should mention the unsung heroes: my dad, my mom, and Jen who have really had to endure all the hard parts of this. Without them I couldn't do all this, and yet they get almost no gratitude from me because I am usually in a bad mood around treatment time. I just want to say thanks to you guys and that I truly couldn't do this without you. You are directly responsible for my future success.

Amie and Ryan have been great, driving down every weekend to keep me laughing; it is a very long drive for Amie. Like I said, there are many of you to thank, and you should all know how much I enjoy your cards, books, visits, soups...so much support. Please keep your comments coming because I really do look forward to your words of encouragement and anything else to make the day brighter.

Also: I do plan on a post on the state of the economy soon and an analysis of what the candidates are saying.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

10,000 meters

In track and field, the longest event run on the track is the 10,000 meters (about 6.2 miles). It's 25 laps around the track, and delivers pain to the runner in a different manner than any of the another events. The next closest event, in terms of distance but maybe not pain, is the 5,000 meters, which is 12.5 laps and requires more leg speed than the 10,000.

The extra 5,000 meters adds a significant barrier to successfully running the 10,000. The barrier is set up as this. From the start of the 10k the runners race along at a fast clip. The clip should not not be fast enough to tire out shortly into the race, but it also needs to be close enough to your fastest so that you don't wind up with too much gas left at the end of the race. So, a 10k runner wants to get into a rhythm up a very fast tempo and "zone out" until late in the race. It is important not to think about how many more laps are left, or how am I going to run another lap this fast 4 laps from now when I can barely do it now. The best strategy, in my opinion, is to treat the race like you are doing 25 quarters (1/4 miles) and each time you finish a lap just think: "I need to run this lap at __ pace." Soon enough, its the bell lap and you just need to kick home with everything you have left.

Of course, this is a very oversimplified version of an actual race. In an actual race there are obstacles: someone pushes you in the back, someone steps on you toe when the gun goes off, you can't get in a pack that is running your pace, people force you to do all the work, and etc. Or, the pack you went out with is running faster than you wanted, which tires you out too early. And probably the most common reason for a bad race is poor mental preparation. You are intimidated by the field; you are not used to running a distance that long on the track; or you mentally exhausted yourself thinking about the race all week. In running, being well prepared mentally can make the difference between first and last. For proof, see my performance at the conference indoor championships my senior year in the 5k, and my performance at the conference outdoor championships my junior year in the 5k.

What makes the 10k so difficult is that the body slowly accumulates stress, and at some point you have to make the decision to give in to all the fatigue that has set in, or go for it, hoping you have what it takes. In the 1500 meters I always felt the opposite. I loved the 1500 meters because you just went as fast as you could until the end. By the time your body was screaming to quit, you could tell it, "shut up, only 200 more meters to go." It's a lot harder to say, "shut up, only two more miles."

If you haven't noticed yet, I could have easily replaced "10k" with "cancer fighting" and the same analysis would be true. Its a long fight that involves constant energy and is constantly draining your bodies vital resources. Not only does the cancer do this, but the chemo and radiation are constantly pounding you. So, its not a fight like the 1500 where the pain sets in and you 2 days to go, it is a fight like the 10k where the pain sets in and you have 4 weeks to go. And every day you just have to tell you body-"just get through this day." Like in the 10k you can't think about "how am I going to do this in 2 weeks when I am getting my chemo again."

I am saying this, not because I am practicing what I am preaching, but I figure the more I try to preach a message, the more likely I will truly convince my mind I am right. Like Steve Prefontaine said, "Its the hardest thing is the world to truly believe in something." He's probably right. Of course, a lot of evil has been done in the world because of "true belief in a cause," but also a lot of good.

I was surprised that this week has already been so tough. I already mentioned the problems on Monday, and on Tuesday, I was told my white blood cell counts were too low. The medical oncologist said 4,000 - 10,000 is desirable and mine were 4,000. As a result, I am much more susceptible to getting sick, which means people need to be very clean while around me. We also need to be on constant watch over my temperature. Anything 101 or above is alarming, and anything over 100 for more than 30 minutes is alarming. Of course, when I was at home on Tuesday night I recorded a temperature of 101.7, and was able to eventually fight it off with Tylenol. One reason for having a high temperature is always that my body is working so hard to fight my inflamed mouth. While I was able to get my temperature down, I wasn't as successful with the food and lost a lost of the calories and food I worked so hard to get. That just makes things very frustrating. You keep thinking, "when am I going to catch a break," but now I think you should be thinking, "what can I do to be more successful." My mom always said something like, "God rewards those who work" (in an attempt to get us to clean house). But in general, its probably better to go out and make good things happen than to wait for them to come around.

So, tomorrow is a new day and I have a 1/4 mile race to run.

I originally started this post to tell what is arguably the most inspirational 10,000 meters race: the 10,000 meter finals at the 1972 Munich Olympics. The race was won by Lasse Viren, who would also win the 5,000 meters that year. However, Viren was not the favorite in the race. There were several outstanding runners, including Mohamed Gammoudi, Emil Puttemans, and the favorite, David Bedford. While most 10k championship meets start off slow, with no one wanting to do all the work of front-running, while the others save energy by drafting, this race started off at an alarming sub 61 second quarter mile by David Bedford, and the runners became very dispersed very quickly. However, a small pack remained attached to Bedford. This blistering pace continued, and about halfway into the race, tragedy struck Viren: Virens feet got tangled with Putteman's and he fell off the track. Gammoudi also fell down. What is amazing is that this would be crushing and mentally jarring to most runners. Not only did you stumble and fall, but you have to expend what seems like an insurmountable amount of energy to catch up with the lead pack that left you in the dust. But, not even for a second did Viren hesitate, he got right up and chased down the lead pack. With 10 laps to go Viren surged to take the lead from Bedford, but Viren found himself continuously challenged by other runners. Several other runners took the lead from him, trying to drop him. At the final lap, it was Puttemans and Viren, and the small Belgian runner proved no match for the tall lanky Finn. Viren crushed Puttemans in the home straight, and did so in a world record time!

You can get down and still do amazing things if you get back up.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

bad nurse

warning: some material may be nauseating

Yesterday was probably my toughest day so far and I blame a lot of it on a new nurse giving me my Ethyol injection (to protect salivary glands). I will just tell you she said this and you should be able to form a pretty accurate description of her: "I was thrilled when my kids said they wanted to move out and go live with their dad. It meant I could go do everything I wanted."

The problem was she also showed me how to use my PEG-tube (feeding tube). Its really not that complicated, you just take a syringe at squirt whatever you need into the tube. For some reason though, she took the syringe and instead of pushing, pulled, and in turn this pulled everything out of my stomach and into the syringe. While this was unbelievably gross, it was also a terrible feeling to have everything sucked out only to be put back in. She told me "sometimes its nice just to see what's inside the stomach." This goes against my general philosophy that its never nice to see what's inside the stomach. That's one of the things that makes throwing up so bad.

I blame this on why I threw up for the first time last night. It wasn't very normal though. It was a lot of blood and mucous. I am sure most of you don't like hearing about this, but its what happened. I felt awful for the rest of the night but feel better today.

I also feel bad because my cousins Billy, Danny, and Patrick came down and I didn't really spend much time with them because I started to feel so bad. I just wanted to let you guys know that I did appreciate it though, and loved watching the amount of "Groundhog Day" we did. Its a pretty "sure as heckfire" way to get in a good mood by watching a Bill Murray movie.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

week 2

Even though I was slightly peeved with the humidifier debate in the waiting room the other day, I am now thinking it might be a good idea because my mouth is getting really dry at night. If week one was hard because of the chemo, then week 2 was hard because of the radiation. My mouth and throat are constantly on fire, which even with the pain medication, makes it very hard to eat and sleep. I am still hoping to get through next week without having to use the feeding tube.

As far as humidifiers goes, the Air-O-Swiss Ultrasonic 7133 seems to be the Cadillac DeVille of Humidifiers, meaning you are not quite willing to pay enough for a luxury humidifier, have to be over 65 to purchase, and should expect to take it into the shop frequently; however, when it is performing well you should strap in for the ride of your life. Of course, you can never go wrong with the Vornado Vortex HU1-0013-11. It's obviously the industry classic.

It was Tuesday when I noticed my throat really started to hurt and Wednesday I developed a lot of sores in my mouth. From this, I constantly have a large amount of film in my mouth that I get rid of by rinsing with a water/sodium bicarbonate and a water/sodium solution. Also, the pain has made it too difficult to talk. So, I pretty much don't talk, but I seem to be put in more situations where I am expected to talk than before. I was hoping the mouth situation would improve from the two days off this weekend, but it really hasn't.

Still, once I get through this week, I am pretty much half way done! Also, I don't have to do chemo again until the week after next, so things are still looking good.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

song comments

You guys are doing a great job with the songs, and I was thrilled to finally see some John Prine, Ellen! My addition would be "Dear Abby" by John Prine. It's always a song that reminds you to be happy whatever your situation.

I just have to make 3 clarifications to what people have posted:
  1. Many people are thinking singing "since you've been gone" to someone going through cancer is insensitive, but we have to assume Danny is referring to the cancer being gone.
  2. Breanne came through clutch and seems to be hipper than her sisters. We also have to view her choosing a band called "The Killers" as appropriate if we think about that referring to the chemo and radiation being cancer killers.
  3. If you think I am going to download a song with both the words "Regan" and "sucks" in the title then you might as well go renew your WNBA season tickets.
Also, I have a song I thought someone (Jim, Beanie, or my Dad) would have thought of that to me is about the ultimate: Tom Waits -- "Hold On." Jim based on this one submission alone let me know what place I'm in. Also, did someone give Bean a link to this site?

Below are a sample of the lyrics:

Well, you build it up, you wreck it down
You burn your mansion to the ground
When theres nothing left to keep you here, when
Youre falling behind in this
Big blue world

Oh you go to
Hold on, hold on
You got to hold on
Take my hand, I'm standing right here
You got to hold on

Down by the riverside motel,
Its 10 below and falling
By a 99 cent store she closed her eyes
And started swaying
But its so hard to dance that way
When its cold and theres no music
Well your old hometown is so far away
But, inside your head theres a record
Thats playing, a song called

Hold on, hold on
You really got to hold on
Take my hand, I'm standing right here
And just hold on.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

two days into week 2

You guys have been great with the song updates and keep them coming. I have a feeling the battle isn't over between Jim and Lindsay.

As for the treatment things are going ok, and I got some good news today. Yesterday I had an MRI to investigate the reasons I have been having bad headaches for the past month. There was a very slight worry that the cancer could have spread to the brain, but the results today seemed to have ruled that out. I will have to talk with the medical oncologist soon to fully understand everything though. But it was a relief to finally get some good news, especially when every test up until now has come back negative! I feel like now we got the ball going from downhill to uphill.

Of course we still need to find out what is causing the headaches. My three leading causes are:
  1. Valley Fever, Tuberculosis, or Cancer
  2. Turning on the tv and listening to any discussion on economics or the economy
  3. The fierce debate over the merits of humidifiers that ensued in the radiation oncology waiting room today.

The treatments are going fine. I am starting to get tenderness in my neck from the radiation and it hurts to swallow. Also, I am bleeding a lot more. Last night it was from my nose and this morning it was actually around the toenail. Apparently that is a common reaction to the chemo therapy.

My mission is to keep the weight on though, so I have been trying to eat a lot. If I lose too much weight then they will have to pause treatment, which would be really bad. Today one of the radiation techs told my I was looking thin, which was a real shock because I am used to people saying how big and ripped I am. So, I guess I better go eat.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Songs

Jen thought of a great idea the other day: if you want to, I would love for you to post a song that you think is inspirational, energetic, or helpful to my situation. I have a lot of time sitting around getting chemo, waiting for radiation, and etc. and would like to make a power playlist on my iPod.

Think hard. This is an important mission. Also, I have dibs on the Office theme song as my choice.

first week down

Well, the first week is pretty much down, because in two hours I go to the Cancer Center to have this chemo drip removed. This week I got a dose of Cisplatin on Tuesday and then since Tuesday I have had to carry around this bag of chemo (5-FU) that continuously drips into my body. I would have liked to have posted earlier, but this drip makes me feel really nauseous and tired--so I haven't felt the greatest.

I have been blown away by the amount of support for my blog though! Watch out Perez Hilton, my number of hits are getting pretty high. Seriously, I enjoy reading everyone's comments and wish I had the time and energy to tell each of you how nice they are. I think I have said this before but the silver lining in all this is knowing how many people truly care about you. I hope I can repay the favor one day.

Tuesday was one of the biggest days so far. In the morning I had the port put in. It is a pretty simple surgery, but all surgery is scary, especially when it takes place around your heart. What a port is, is basically a permanent IV except instead of going into a vein it goes directly into your heart. The 5-FU is so strong, that it could corrode or destroy a vein if injected into it. Instead, it needs to be sent right to the heart to be distributed to the body.

The surgery involves carving a little piece of of your breast where the port goes. Then, an incision is made near the very base of the neck into the major vein that goes to your heart. (I think vein and not artery-- veins take blood to the heart and arteries away?) The doctor then threads a wire down to where the vein meets the heart. Then, over the wire a catheter is placed. Lastly, the catheter is bent at the top to meet the carved out portion of the breast where the port goes.

The same doctor who did this did the PEG-tube surgery, which I will describe later because it is a little cooler. I have to say that I have never really had too much of an interest in medicine, but I have grown to appreciate it a lot more.

After the surgery I went and got radiated for the second time. I expected all the sedatives from the surgery to still be in effect while I was being radiated, but I got really claustrophobic again and had to be given a shot to be sedated. Every day since then though, I have take two valium and have been fine. I will try and post of a picture of me being pinned down to the machine by my mask so you can get an idea of how claustrophobic it would be. Also, starting on Tuesday and for every day onwards, I get a shot of a drug called Ethyiol which is designed to protect your salivary glands--without it most people lose their salivary glands.

The last part of Tuesday was the Cisplatin injection and starting the 5-FU drip as described above. The people at the Cancer Center were amazing. As far as personal treatment goes, the nurses at the Cancer Center have been as good as you can get, and that makes all the difference when going through this.

Monday, January 7, 2008

first day of radiation

I was supposed to start radiation and chemotherapy today but only started the radiation. Under the guise of waiting for my port to be put in, the medical oncologist's office decided to wait until tomorrow to start the chemo. In the morning I will have the port put in and then have chemo and radiation in the afternoon.

The problem was I am getting two types of chemo: cisplatin and 5-FU. The first is a typical chemo drug that will only be delivered three times at three week intervals. The second is given through the port 24 hours a day for four days straight. So, we were going to wait on the 5-FU, starting tomorrow, and start the cisplatin today. But, the office thought we might as well just start both at the same time, tomorrow. I countered with what I thought was a better argument, saying that really we might as well just start the cisplatin today and the 5-FU tomorrow, as originally planned. That led to the real truth that they didn't have a room available to do the chemo today. Plus, they probably weren't willing to do me too many favors because I left several blunt messages in the morning asking why we weren't starting today.

While I was not nervous for the radiation, I did panic a little when they put the radiation mask on me. The reason is that it made me really claustrophobic. The mask goes from mid-peck to over your head and is made out of a mesh material that is as hard as a cast. They lay you down on the TOMO machine (my type of radiation machine) and pin the mask to the bed you are laying on. The problem is that when they peg the mask down, there is an incredible pressure on your face including your nose and mouth. This makes it very difficult to breath and it also immobilizes you. With the mask being over your face I got quite claustrophobic and we had to have a few takes and an eventual tranquilizing shot before we were successful in doing the treatment! The treatment itself involves a 20 minute CT scan (every time) to map out the radiation and to make sure the radiation isn't hitting dangerous areas things like you spine, and then just 5 minutes of being radiated.

Hopefully things are better in the future, and I have some medication to take beforehand to keep me calm. There are no signs of some of the bad side effects yet. At some point my mouth should get really rough, but I am feeling no side effects now. I will update after chemo and radiation tomorrow; it will be a bigger test.